There comes a point in everyone's life when you know that something's gotta give now. Its as if you were waiting for the last straw on the camel's back. Mind you, this is never an overnight phenomenon. Its usually a culmination of events and circumstances for a considerable period of time, some of which you control and are responsible for and some not. Unfortunately you allow youself to believe that things will take care of themselves without your intervention. But its never like that. You have to intervene, you have to take some bold and harsh decisions and most importantly you have to back yourself. Because unless you are confident that what you are doing is necessary (even if it is not right), you will keep stumbling and you will keep standing on a crossroad. Reminds me of the King Bruce and the Spider story. Except that real life does not give you those many chances. You have to make the most of what you get. Life is not about pleasing everyone. Life is neither about pleasing your own self. Life is about having dreams and pursuing them. Life is about making mistakes and learning from them. Life is not about being judgmental, neither about others nor about yourself. Life is about knowing that there is not just black and white, there is also gray. Life is about knowing when to call it quits and then not looking back. Because the moment you do, it is a never ending story.
If only everyone was mentally strong and disciplined, there would be so less misery in this world. Every night when I go to sleep and every day when I wake up, it strikes me that there are quite a few things left for me to do. So many places to see, so many books to read, so many movies to watch, so many lessons to learn and the backlog is just increasing! Heard a very interesting thing from a friend today, If you are doing what you love or if you love what you do everyday, life is a vacation. How I wish it was true in my case! Its quite a challenge to fight monotony, to be surrounded by mediocrity and yet smile.
There are always some relationships in our life where things are always unsaid and incomplete. Its as if you go to watch a movie and the movie abruptly ends. So many things are left to be said, to be done. But then the other way of looking at it is that isnt it better that the things have remained unsaid and incomplete. At least there is less misery. Because there is always a time and place for everything. And till the time and place comes, you have to be patient and wait. It may also happen that the time and place may never come in your life. But so be it. After all you can always choose to blame 'fate'. It may even happen that you will be accused of 'inaction'. Even for a person like me, sometimes there is greater satisfaction in not taking the initiative. Yes that may mean that the loss will be mine. But at least I can hope that some day I shall be taken by a pleasant surprise.
They say expectation is bad. Expectation leads to misery. But wouldnt life be dry and dull without expecting things from people around us?
I am hoping that one day I will wake up with a song on my lips and a smile on my face and I will be looking forward to facing the world knowing fully well that there will be misery, there will be sorrow, there will be anger and there will be loss of expectation. But the skies will still be blue and the sun will still be shining brightly as it did before and then I will know that I shall overcome..
On some levels I so understand and relate to what you are saying and on yet others I feel a little disturbed at the seemingly fading hope. I guess this is one of those times when one gets fatigued in one's journey and needs to rest, revaluate, rejuvenate and then pick oneself up and start walking with renewed energy. I recently read a book that I feel you would like: "What Makes You Not a Buddhist " by Dzongsar Jamyang Khyentse. I am not blown away by it, but I appreciate it and what it says. Not easy to practice, but then what is ? :) Keep the faith ! And, as they say in the cult movie, 'May the force be with you' ! :)
ReplyDeleteThanks tai. I will definitely read the book. Frankly I badly need to rest, revaluate and rejunevate. But I am at a loss as to where to begin. And most importantly judging by the pace at which my life is hurtling right now, it seems as if the universe is seriously conspiring that I dont get a chance or an opportunity to rest,revaluate or rejuvenate. But I am hoping and shall continue to hope. Bcoz hope is a good thing and good things never die.
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